I lied

Well, I said I was going to start another blog, but I decided that I just want to stick with this one. I think more people pay attention to this one, and I doubt that anyone would even find my other blog with out me telling them where it is, unless you have major websurfing skills. So I'll try to update this blog once a week now. I know I've said that before, but this time I promise. I shall rack my brains until and idea pops out. Now, of to do whatever I want to...

He may not be scheming, but I might hypothetically possibly potentionally might be...

As I sat down at my electric typewriter, beginning to print a draft for my next blog, I kept thinking about the same thing. I was thinking about this article that I'd read last night in WIRED Magazine. It was about the famous 'Minerva,' the South Korean man who had simply began to make predictions on South Korea's economy, and was so dead accurate it was unreal. The man had been studying economics by his lonesome for about four years before he began to make these predictions. He had not been scheming to become rich and/or famous, he simply wanted to test his knowledge. When his educated guesses came true, he began to get some credibility. The whole time though, he had been posting under the name of the Greek Goddess of Wisdom, Minerva. People began to wonder who this Minerva was. The only thing that made him so amazing what the fact that no one knew who he was. No one knew if he was some government official, or just the hobo living at the end of their street. The key was that he was always anonymous. If he had printed under his real name, people would not have payed him any attention. This kind of made me want to do something like that. Either sign up for some forum with some witty name then test my knowledge or make a blog that would blow people away. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but don't you agree that it would be fun to say something genius, and when people ask who you are, they would be forced to guess. So I plan to begin an anonymous blog, some where on the net. I'm not sure where it will be located, what it will be called, or anything like that yet. I will try to keep posting on this blog once a month or so, but if you find my anonymous blog, then you are pretty freakin' amazing. I will update this blog with some basic information on my new blog, like what site I used to create it, and a hint to what it might be called. I won't be dumb and tell you the URL or anything like that, so it should be a bit of a challenge. Good luck!

Long time no see, eh?

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted a blog. I kind of lost the need to post, but now I have a need, friends. I have my friends who want me to write a blog that makes them laugh their head off, and so here it is, that blog that you all were waiting for, but then gave up on... now... what am I going to write about...

Well, I had this idea to come and write a post... but now I realized I needed and idea... well, here it goes... time to wing it.

The other day I was sitting on my bed reading my new Wired magazine, the one that gives me all the ideas to do stupid things. So I see this article called 'Gone', and it's about what it takes to go missing, to shed your identity and start over these days. It was really kind of interesting, because it talked about how since we all use twitter or facebook or ning or digg or whatever you use, it's hard to just disappear with out a trace, because you have all this online evidence that is like a gold mine for detectives. It told the story about this man who wanted to escape from his life and he faked his death, but then made a few mistakes and texted some people after he 'died' and then they find him and what not. Then and the end of the article there was this section about this crazy idea the author had. He was going to try do disappear for a month. The page was filled with mug shots from all angles with information like where he was seen last and where he goes to eat breakfast and what not. So not only was this entertaining, it was like a stalker's paradise!! I love to fancy the idea that some freaky weirdo loves someone so much they follow them around... do people actually do that? Why would you? Even if you're mentally insane, wouldn't you rather rob a bank or go on a killing spree? I mean who would do this in their spare time? I think it's really kinda funny.

So thanks for reading this amazingly just-came-up-with-it blog that I will try to post at least once or twice a month, if not more.

By the way, you left your car door open last night...

Yummy, meatloaf

A week or so ago I was sitting around the house, fun huh? Well, I was getting a little hungry so I put on some water to boil for a few pot stickers. Dad came in from working on the computer outside, to see what I was up to. I put down my book and tried to explain to him the concept of cooking…it didn’t work out so well…

After a few minutes of this, got this look of realization on his face. I sighed with relief there, oh boy, I was wrong when I thought we where done on this subject.

He picked up a fork from the counter, and said “You have no idea how many things I can make with this spoon, just this single spoon.”

“Dad, that’s not a…” He went on to tell me about his bachelor’s cookbook, oh man, I had to hear this.

He told me he had this big pile of papers each with a recipe of one sort or another, written so that even a nitwit could understand (thank god for that). He told me he even had a recipe for boiling water.

1. Turn on small burner full speed.

2. Fill metal bucket with water from sink.

3. Place metal bucket filled with water on read burner.

4. DO NOT LOOK AT THE BUCKET!! NEVER EVER LOOK AT METAL BUCKET

That last rule was following the cooking law “A watched pot never boils.” Maybe dad should tell our dog that, because the dog is always looking at us with those sad eyes when we eat. But instead of “A watched pot never boils,” it would be more like “A watched human never gives his measly little scraps from a meal to the family pet with begging eyes.”

He said he also had a recipe for meatloaf. Oh boy.

1. Mush meat into bottom of pan until meaty surface is flat…ish.

2. Turn on burner, and place meat pan onto burner and begin to tan meat.

3. Crack two eggs into pan.

4.Begin to remove egg shells.

Keeping Cool in Montana

Here in Montana, it gets pretty hot, but no so hot that we sleep in the oven to cool down like in Death Valley, but it still gets hot.

The big problem in our house is that we don’t have a fan that works out in our favor. We have two different fans, one that couldn’t move a cracker crumb on high, and the other one we’re pretty sure was removed from one of the Google Personal Jets.

So the options for sleeping in our home are becoming BBQ by the morning or sleeping against the wall, because the jet engine fan will put you there, weather you like it or not.

Another problem is the sound factor. The pathetic fan makes just about as much noise as the other, so we have a little bit of a crisis in our house.

We’ve tried a few different things, like a humidifier (we used that when I started having some asthma problems), and it cooled things down quite a bit, but leaving it on all night may lead to drowning, it produces a lot more water that you would expect. So you wake up in the middle of the night and need a midnight snack, you slide of the bed, and find yourself in about 2 feet of water, but hey, it was a great excuse for my homework.

The past few nights, we’ve tried keeping the window open…no…uh-uh, bad bad decision. You wake up to find a wasp nest in the North East corner, a colony of moths in the South East corner, a Hobo spider web in the South West corner, and a actual Hobo in the North West corner.

Yeah, we have a problem, we really do. We’re trying a thing after thing…not really working…

We need some new ideas, so we asked the Hobo in the North West corner; he said we should try sleeping in a trash bag on the corner of Main St. and Front. It was much cooler, but not exactly homey. We where arrested, mugged, and beat by the other Hobos. But it was a life changing experience…sort of…

I guess I had always wondered what Juvey was like…trust me, you don’t want to know. I am currently bald a healing from two broken bones…I had no idea they would take offense to the ol’ “What’s the difference between a Juvenile Delinquent…” and see, that’s as far as I got, I didn’t even get to tell the punch line...they have no sense of humor, maybe that comes with eating nothing but chili for a few years…who knew?

So, trying to cool down in Montana is obviously a challenge…wait a minute…
oh…problem solved. I probably should’ve turned off the oven…

"It's rather pointless..."

I just realized that it's rather pointless to blog my comedy routines, because what makes my routines funny (well, this is what everyone tells me) are the expressions that I make, and how I say what I say, and I don't think bold print or italics could do this for me...so I think I should post some videos of my routines. Now, as soon as one person reads these blogs and posts a comment, then I think it would be worth showing you guys some videos. But, in the meantime, maybe I could post some funny blogs that aren't comedy routines, just funny blogs about everyday life...sounds good to me. So, I'll try to post blogs once or twice every week, so keep checking this place out...now...who am I even talking to...? Like I have 50 followers by the second blog...maybe Brad Pitt could do that...but I sure as hell couldn't. Right then...

Wishing I was there.

Well, I have always wanted to be a comedian, but the fact that I don't even have a driver's license is kind of holding my back from that dream. But some how, I still manage to pop in some routines of mine, or my favorites from others like Brian Regan or Jim Gaffigan. Whenever I get up there in front of an audience, whether it's 1 person, or 100 people, I LOVE IT!! Throughout my blog posts, I'll be testing some of my acts on you guys, so be prepared. But I must warn you, I am no where as good as the pro's, but I think I have so good ideas. Thanks you, thanks you very muches.